Jump in Feet first

Well i have never done this before so it is likely to be very interesting. And fraught with all sorts of peril. For example i have no idea how to make my page pretty...im working on it though.

So here i go jumping in feet first.

Right now i am sitting in my favorite coffee house contemplating when and how i should go about picking up my last pay check from the man that fired me exactly two weeks ago after i humbled myself and returned to him after i had quit due to some hostile working conditions. I am tired and my nerves fried and i am afraid of how i might react if i were to see him when i walk into the place. I think it might feel like ripping a bandaid off of a fresh wound that has not had time to heal. The shock of the entire situation still hurts...and it hurts bad, but ive covered it up and ive found that i am very good at ignoring it. Seeing him or god forbid even talking to him might send my insides into hysterics. I need that check but i dont know how much sanity it might cost me to attain it. Ive already been through the deepest part of the depression it caused and i might still be there if i didnt bury it down deep and ignore it. But the depression and the anger that came afterwards are locked away in a little drawer that i ignore. Every once in a while the drawer rattles and i ignore it...Like the other day when we went out for lunch with the kids after church. We went to wendys and matt ordered while i got a table with the kiddies and he came back with 4 burgers 1 fry and 1 drink...because it was cheaper and we most definantly dont have alot of money. So we all set there and shared a drink. It was humiliating...and that drawer rattled to the point that it about busted open...it took every bit of strength i had to keep my self from crying...RIDICULOUS, i know: Crying over sharing a drink. but it is what it is...and that pisses me off. I want things to just be normal...but my normal crumbled into a million peices 2 weeks ago. And all over a Damn door.

So now i sit here and try to gain enough composure to go pick up the check we so desperately need...i'll let you know how it turns out.